Saturday, May 26, 2012

What's with Me IRL.

So, alot of stuff has happened to me and my family.

    Just to keep you up to date, my dad is currently in Afghanistan, and I miss him a TON. Also my stepdad got laid off at the church he was working at, which sucks. He has got multiple offers from churches and right now we are going through the process of visiting those churches. It's kind of gone down to a small town, or a church in the middle of the boonies. Which is the middle of NOWHERE nowhere. No joke.

   Oh, and my mom's pregnant. It'll be her fifth.

    I have been really really really REALLY struggling with the fact that we will have to move. That I will have to leave my church family, my work, my school and theater. Because I wanted to graduate from the high school I'm at. And I can't. I can't.
    Also, theater. I LOVED THE PEOPLE AT MY THEATER. I wanted to work my way to the top. Now, wherever I go, I'll be at the bottom. Again. And I BLED FOR THE DICTATORSHIP I'M CURRENTLY IN. (soefjwlerijfhawieoruqja;mwoejrw.) I'm just glad I don't have to fuss and cry about being in Ensemble B, because I won't even be there to be looked down upon. Won't even be there. And maybe when my director calls my name, and they're like 'she moved.' Someone might think about what talent I have or haven't displayed.
   Church. I will miss those people SO much. I can't even go into that building without being upset.

   You guys don't understand. Cincinnati, is NOT a nice city. It plans on chewing you up and spitting you out the very minute you step on that rocky soil. And people weren't used to my constant wit and deep-fried sarcasm. They're more tightly knit then a grandma's sweater. It took people about a year to fully warm up to me. And a few guys are starting to give me looks, like you know, those kind of looks. And I'm leaving. After winning a battle. And I'm more pissed and upset than I've ever been ever.

  Because I was ready. I was ready to spend my next two years at Sycamore and graduate in 2014 with a class that I'd spent four years with. I'd move out to an Ohioan college who had the best bargain. And that's what would happen. But no.

   I, I can't handle it. I CAN'T. I mean, do you know what kind of love life you have in a new place? At first, you're ogled. You're stared at so much, you could be walking around naked and you would get the same amount of eyeballs on you. Then, they ignore you, you could be nonexistent, you're not on their radar. They go out with the girls they've known since third grade. By the end of the year you've spent in that hellhole, they realize, hey, she's actually a person, and start being friendly and friends, and you actually have people to hug. By the middle to the last bit of your second year, they start giving looks, some develop a liking towards you (which, BTW they never voice) even a itty bitty crush. And THEN you move. And the vicious cycle repeats itself.

   At this point, I just know I'm going to have one hell of a goodbye party.

Over and out.
Love,
Cailin

Have any advice? Leave a comment, or email me at tenderheart21496@yahoo.com yep. Or tweet me. That would be sweet.


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