You know, before I quit my job and left my school of two years, I had a few friends. I didn't have to worry about trying to find an obscure place to sit in, where I will get the minimum amount of stares. I have to worry about that now... This sucks more than anything in the world because I have very fond memories of lunches consumed at school. I have a lovely freshman friend that ate lunch with me for about a week; he then informed me not to worry if I didn't see him, for he is in 'desperate need of friends.'Cool.
I didn't really have a plan for this post, maybe just complain to the world how much it sucks to be me right now. How much I hate these feelings of insecurity, have to tell myself, no Cailin they're not speaking to you because they-, they-, there's nothing wrong with you. You are not the problem.
And something that hurts even more is that at my old school, I didn't let anybody be lonely, I talked to everybody, if you looked alone, I asked if you wanted to join my table. This fact just makes it worse..
My sister is dealing with it just fine. She's an introvert, and she has this little hidey hole she goes to, and she doesn't talk to anybody unless she has to. I'm an extrovert. I hate doing this. I talk to everybody around me, and I have come to a conclusion. In the classroom, people are nice to me and talk to me because they're stuck there, but outside of the classroom people have their own agendas, and if your name isn't on one of them, sucks to suck.
Good Lord this is depressing. I'm done with this pity fest.
Over and out.
Love,
Cailin
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