I Don't Like Liking People

  So, this has nothing to do with Valentine's Day because Valentine's Day is my birthday therefore it can do no wrong. This is just a Cailin's-gonna-rant-and-hope-nobody-sees-this-post-that-I-know. Let us begin.

    Once upon a time, I like a person. So I try to act cool, tell myself I don't like him, and remind myself every couple minutes that ninety percent of teen relationships don't work out. He probably likes someone with bigger tits than mine. While this thought process is successful, it's only successful for a short time.

I then decide the best thing to do is hide my feelings and not accept the fact that I like him.

 

   Thusly, I take a metaphorical shovel and dig a great big metaphorical hole and bury all those feelings in the bottom of my heart. And I refuse to let myself fantasize about any sort of 'us.' This is a very effective, if not emotionally draining method. So effective actually, that I don't notice when it quits working. It quits working:

 

When I blush or try to get said male to laugh.

When I look at facebook pictures and his face is the first one I see.

When encounters with said male are the highlights of my day.

When he smiles and I get these butterflies.

Damn those butterflies.



   When I get to the point where I am tired, a tad hormonal, and emotionally kaput, I realize the fact for what it is. That I like this individual. And he probably doesn't like me back.

 

  So I let my heart break and it whithers up and I just sit in a ball wondering why God made people, and why I'm not a hermit. And I vow never to find myself attracted in a romantic fashion to any individual.

I'll let you imagine how effective that is.



Over and out.

Love,

C

 

Video of the Day:

Warning, I found this song relatable but depressing as all get out. Listen at your own risk.

Shoutout of the Day: To my boys who had a gig I couldn't go to. I'm sorry. One of these days one of us will be filthy rich and will have the means to transport me to see y'all. I love my big brothers.:)

 





Why must my Passion equal Unhappiness?

Hey guys!

    I'm in a bad mood.

Why?

  Well for one thing, my dad left. He came into town to celebrate Christmas with us and he had to leave today...





 

 Two, school is starting soon and I have a ton of homework that I haven't even contemplated starting on (consisting of a script, an eight page paper, and a mountain of chemistry homework). Oh the joys of being a major procrastinator.

 

 And with school starting. It makes me think about the fact that I auditioned for Singin' in the Rain and didn't get past callbacks...again. I don't know, maybe I should just, give up on school theater. Maybe I should try and find some guild. Because I LOVE THEATER. It's a major passion of mine, it makes all my bad things dissappear. But, I, didn't get into the musical...that I thought I would be in...not even a big part, just in.

 

 When I saw the cast list, I was just like, OK, move on. I have free time to get a job, we're good. So I applied to be a starbucks barista. I have not heard back from them either.





 

None of this is a self esteem boost.



 

So I got crazy.

  I bought a guitar. I'd been contemplating buying a guitar for a long time, but I started actively looking and pursuing it. The thing that made my search more difficult than others is the fact that I was looking for a left-handed guitar. I googled models, called up an uncle who knew what he was talking about, and walked into a guitar store to see if they had any left handed guitars I was looking for.

 

  And thanks be to God they had two! I kinda felt like I didn't belong in the store since I had no clue what I was doing, but one of the two was the exact one I wanted: A pretty Ibanez acoustic electric. It felt right. Next day I made a tad ridiculous account withdrawal and bought my guitar.

 

  So I have a guitar. That happened. And I haven't told many people. I kinda want it to be my quiet thing till I know what I'm doing. And, the thing about the guitar is I don't have to audition to enjoy it. You just get started, it all depends on you, no one else.

 

And I apologize, the picture thing isn't working on this blog, so this blog came without pictures. I sorry...

 

Over and out.

Love,

Cailin

 

(No videos or shoutouts today. Sorry.)



I'm a Nonresolutionar.

And that is totes a word.

  SO usually I do some resolutions and think I'm gonna commit to them and then two weeks later I'm ridden with guilt cause I haven't raised a finger to do anything on the list I wrote down. I've resolved this year to not make resolutions.

   I'm just gonna try and strenghten my friendships and be more of myself around people. And I'm sorry my posts have been so short recently, I have had no time to think or process anything. Which is partly these kids' faults.

 Internet, meet Zadak and Briah. They are beautiful.

Over and out.
Love,
Cailin

Video of the Day:

This guy is brilliant. 

Shoutout of the Day:
   Whoever told me mountain lions roam around here. You know who you are. I look behind me now, I refuse to be eaten by a lion. Come at me cat. On second thought, JK please just stay up in the mountains eating rams and lost souls.

 

Conflicted

Hey guys!

So I watched Les Miserables on stage and it was three hours of absolute beauty...and and goodness. And as everyone knows, it has come out in theaters and I want to see it, but I'm afraid it's not going to be good. AND I REALLY REALLY WANT IT TO BE GOOD CAUSE HUGH JACKMAN IS IN IT.

Anywho, that's all I got today.
Over and out.
Love,
Cailin

Video of the Day:

You knew this was coming. 

I am one thankful girl.

'Sup. 

 So I've been pretty awful when it comes to posting content and I am very sorry about that. 

It's just there's so much time that is taken up when you move. 

Forreals. 

So, yeah. MOVING ON. 

Things I am Thankful for (in no particular order):

 1. My family.  I would be completely lost without them. I love them dearly and can't imagine life without them. 

2. My friends and mentors. I'm talking about friends I've made in every state I've been in. I LOVE Y'ALL. My life would be absolutely dull and sad without you.

3. My cat, Cimber. I didn't like cats much before meeting you. Now, I welcome cats with open arms, and it's all cause of you. You sexy beast. 

5. My small group. Over the years, I have had many great small groups. However, this group has been a bit like family, and they have made this move much smoother than it might've been without. For example, when they heard my mom didn't plan on having a baby shower, they threw one for her! I think they're wonderful.

6. My opportunities. As a middle class American, I am blessed for a roof over my head and food in my stomach. I am also given the privilege of going to a decent school. And I can go to church without being persecuted for it. 

So yeah. That's all. Happy holidays!

Over and out.

Love, 

Cailin 

Video of the Day: 

I found this thought-provoking. 

Shoutout of the Day: 

I found this awesome blogger who posts as infrequently as I do! She's hilarious. Check her out! 

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

Fall Break: Reunions and Mountains

So last week I had a fall break(yay!).

And well...would you like to hear what happened that week? 

Thought you would.

   That Friday afterschool my dad came and picked me and my sibs up from my mom's. This sounds pretty normal, but considering I hadn't seen him in seven months; it didn't feel normal, it felt surreal. We hung out, we talked, we laughed, we caught up on what  each other was doing in each our lives' and we laughed some more. It was good. 

   On Wednesday, he dropped us off and we headed to this Halloween/Harvest Festival thing at my church. I didn't really dress up, I wore a Green Lantern shirt and jeans, because I'm classy like that. I ran into my friends and we hung out and helped out and hung out some more. Then the group I was hanging out with was sweet enough to invite me to go to Village Inn (pie place/restaurant) with them. I talked my parents into letting me go and then we were off! And I had a lot of fun, I hadn't gone out with any friends since July...it was a breath of fresh air. 

   Thursday my family and I drove up to a mountain cabin that belonged to some friends of ours and let me tell you: mountains are pretty, but they hurt. I had a monster of a headache, and just felt, terrible.They had a sign on the wall that said, "The closer you are to the mountains, the closer you are to heaven." Well, God knows I'm a sinner. In spite of it all, I enjoyed myself, but I'm a city girl at heart.

SO YEAH. That was what I was up to.

Over and out.

Love, 

Cailin Rogers

Video of the Day:

Shoutout of the Day: Well nothing big today, I was just having an absolutely awful day and a friend of mine was sweet enough to stop and give me a hug. It made my day. And I thought one of my friends was transferring to another school, but he's not, so that is lovely. That's all folks!

Another AP Lang bit

DISCLAIMER: To any unschoolers out there I apologize if I offend, I'm just an ignorant kid who needed something to write about and pick on.

Thinking Outside of the Pencil Box

by Cailin Rogers

    I was taught from a very young age one important fact. It was common sense, something that seemed to just be part of life. Homeschoolers are smarter than public school kids. I was too little to read it from a media source, how did I know this fact so innately?
    One could infer that my tiny ears picked it up at 'co-op,' an organization created by moms for homeschooled kids. Or from my friends. Or from my parents.

You see, I was homeschooled until fifth grade.

   I am very familiar with homeschooling and public school. And I think in scenarios with good variables, both work.Then I heard of unschooling, which I was unaware of it's existence. It's proper definition is a "lack of schooling" and that definition is frightfully unhelpful in depicting what it actually is. Basically, unschooling is when mothers allow their kids to learn what they wish. Children decide what they do for the day, and children decide exactly what they learn. These kids have never touched a textbook or taken a test; they act as if school systems don't exist. Many of these parents don't set rules for their kids.
   When I first heard of this, I thought, my God, these kids are living the dream. Then I thought about the future of these unschooled kids. Their parents give them no boundaries, so they will have a harder time understanding that no, you can't go as fast as you want on the road, and other rules set by the government. They've never taken a test or studied a textbook, so how will they get into a good college, if they are even literate enough to fill the application. And say they get into college, they will be competing against kids that have been using textbooks and taking tests since they could stand up...I wonder how they will succeed in life?
   My opinion? Homeschooling=Smiley face. Unschooling=? Well, don't ask them, no one taught them math.