Why must my Passion equal Unhappiness?

Hey guys!

    I'm in a bad mood.

Why?

  Well for one thing, my dad left. He came into town to celebrate Christmas with us and he had to leave today...





 

 Two, school is starting soon and I have a ton of homework that I haven't even contemplated starting on (consisting of a script, an eight page paper, and a mountain of chemistry homework). Oh the joys of being a major procrastinator.

 

 And with school starting. It makes me think about the fact that I auditioned for Singin' in the Rain and didn't get past callbacks...again. I don't know, maybe I should just, give up on school theater. Maybe I should try and find some guild. Because I LOVE THEATER. It's a major passion of mine, it makes all my bad things dissappear. But, I, didn't get into the musical...that I thought I would be in...not even a big part, just in.

 

 When I saw the cast list, I was just like, OK, move on. I have free time to get a job, we're good. So I applied to be a starbucks barista. I have not heard back from them either.





 

None of this is a self esteem boost.



 

So I got crazy.

  I bought a guitar. I'd been contemplating buying a guitar for a long time, but I started actively looking and pursuing it. The thing that made my search more difficult than others is the fact that I was looking for a left-handed guitar. I googled models, called up an uncle who knew what he was talking about, and walked into a guitar store to see if they had any left handed guitars I was looking for.

 

  And thanks be to God they had two! I kinda felt like I didn't belong in the store since I had no clue what I was doing, but one of the two was the exact one I wanted: A pretty Ibanez acoustic electric. It felt right. Next day I made a tad ridiculous account withdrawal and bought my guitar.

 

  So I have a guitar. That happened. And I haven't told many people. I kinda want it to be my quiet thing till I know what I'm doing. And, the thing about the guitar is I don't have to audition to enjoy it. You just get started, it all depends on you, no one else.

 

And I apologize, the picture thing isn't working on this blog, so this blog came without pictures. I sorry...

 

Over and out.

Love,

Cailin

 

(No videos or shoutouts today. Sorry.)



Conflicted

Hey guys!

So I watched Les Miserables on stage and it was three hours of absolute beauty...and and goodness. And as everyone knows, it has come out in theaters and I want to see it, but I'm afraid it's not going to be good. AND I REALLY REALLY WANT IT TO BE GOOD CAUSE HUGH JACKMAN IS IN IT.

Anywho, that's all I got today.
Over and out.
Love,
Cailin

Video of the Day:

You knew this was coming. 

I Fell In Love...with Myself. (WARNING: LENGHTY)

   My dear beautiful readers, we have spoken of my love for theater. My insatiable, unhealthy love for the world of performing arts, yes, I believe we spoke of such. (For those who are not theatrically inclined, I will not judge if you close out of this blog and go look up videos of cats on Youtube instead. I like cats.)

   Well this past week I decided to audition for a nine person show at my (relatively new) school. So did 120 others...so naturally, I'm freaking out, how am I gonna do this? After taking multiple deep breaths, I decided on a monologue I already semi-remembered and had already used as an audition piece.

  I began my D-day (audition day) like any other day, tell myself to not worry and move on, and for a time it works. Then as the day progresses, that advice loses it's charm and my stress snowballs. The school bell rings, I'm tapping my foot, drumming my fingers, it's like I've had 4 Red Bulls. Nope, just bout to audition.

 I go to an area where it seems many theatrical folks are about to audition. I begin fill out a form and have a pang of homesickness. I miss my theater family... What accent can you perform? Southern. Any special talents? Southern charm. And I can make sweet tea as well.

  Turn in the form, I have a good twenty minutes before my appointment. Meandering, I hear people laughing in a room that looks disorganized enough to be a theater classroom. Here goes nothing... I walk in; someone's performing their monologue. I hang back. Once noticed, I say hi, give my name. They ask me to do my monologue which I have NOT practiced. Here goes nothing AGAIN...sure...

 My fingers are tingling, my foot itches to tap again. First impressions are important, and I wanted to impress these strangers. I perform. Surprisingly, they laugh (it is a funny monologue). And surprisingly, I did a good job. One says it's the best they've seen. I blush, been awhile since I heard that. Well, it's time to step up to the plate and batter up chica, so go do what you only do best.

  My audition time.I walk up to the stage where a bright spotlight is shining. My heart is working overtime like it's boss is over its shoulder. Just walk up the steps, stare into the blinding light. And for a moment, I am home. Then I say my slate and begin my monologue. 

   It's a beautiful experience when for the first time in an audition, you semi-confidently speak your piece with eloquence and during the entire monologue you're thinking, 'Wow, I'm doing a good job.' The director laughs at the right parts, my confidence builds. Once I'm finished he says, "Hey can you do this more of an inner rage version than passive aggressive?" You betcha. After the first couple lines, I kinda just went improv. And he laughs again. He asks a few more questions, I answer them as wittingly as possible and leave.

   Afterwards, I feel surreal. I am so pleased with myself. I realize, I don't even care if I make it into the show (which is good cause I didn't) I was so proud of what I did.

   So yeah..I got callbacks, one out of 36 and did a couple cold reading skits, which was fun. One required me meditating, and since I've never meditated, I just pulled a meditating pose and sang the first part of the Lion King. (The Nawn NaPHWEN YA lalaleelosoPA bit.) Only the front row could hear me, and they were cracking up, which made everyone think they were weird cause they had no clue what was so funny about my serious meditation.

   So yeah...didn't make the cut, but I still enjoyed myself.
Video of the Day:

A reward for those who read all of this instead of skipping to cat vids.

Shoutout of the Day: I was feeling a wee bit self conscious after callbacks, wandering how I did and such, and two people took time out of their day to tell me I did a really good job. And that made my day. So thanks guys. :)

Over and out.

Love,
Cailin

My Bucket List

    So...I decided to do a bucket list. Of things I want to do before I kick the bucket. This was inspired by sarcaschicks, just fyi. MOVING ON.

MY THINGS TO DO BEFORE I KICK THE BUCKET LIST

1. Rock climb again. I have not gone rock climbing since my parents divorced. And I would like to do that again, I have fond memories of times that we went. 

2. Be the lead role. I want to be a lead role. In a movie or on stage. So badly. It doesn't matter if I have the role when I'm 17 or when I'm 45, I want one. 

3. I want to inspire someone. I want someone to walk up to me and say, "Cailin, you inspired me." It would just make life more than worth it.

4. Backpack Europe. I know a lot of girls who want to do this and hey, I don't blame them! It just sounds like a lovely adventure, filled with all kinds of wonderful experiences.

5. Get kissed on the Eiffel Tower. Yes, another cliche, I'm full of 'em. But...I can't help myself. (As I write this, I'm blushing, just so you know.) (Writing all of this on the internet might be a bad idea.)

6. Skinny dip. Don't judge. 

7. Find meaning in life. So many people wander around, not getting what they're 'sposed to do in life. I don't want to be one of those lost souls.

8. Have enough money to give back to those who need it. I want to be wealthy enough to give more to the world. Wether that is buying food at a farmer's market, or sponsoring a child overseas. I aim for that.

9. Write a book. It would be fun. Trying to get it published might turn me into an alcoholic though...

10. Get married to someone I love...and stay married. This is kind of my 'big dream' I guess. I don't like being by myself a ton, so it would be lovely to have someone to walk through life with. One day, I would love to say, "I've been married for-" and then a big number come after.

   So yeah...I feel like I've thoroughly embarrassed myself. Let's put this on twitter! 

Over and ouch.
Love,
Cailin

I'm a theater geek.

I am in love with theater.

        Now I have done other posts on theater and some of why I like it so much. But today, I'm going to try and solidify and pinpoint WHY I am enamored with such a time-consuming art.

1. Drama=Theater.  Drama=Cailin. Theater=? I am a dramatic person. I am all about flourishing and twirling and singing. And theater, on most occasions, is a lot of flourishing and twirling and singing.

2. Fruits are seen. In theater when I have to build something or do a scene, I have the satisfaction of finishing and or improving. It's not as long term, as some things are. 

3. Theater is familial. I went to see 'Into the Woods' a musical done by the esteemed actors at my high school and I was very impressed. The best part was I knew almost EVERYBODY in the cast and when the show was over, I hugged every one of them and told them what a good job they did. And when you're in a show, the cast you work with becomes very much a family. And me, being a very warm fuzzy-feely kind of person, is easily drawn to this.

    SO there you have it!

Over and out.
Love,
Cailin

P.S.
The pic of Cinderella is Jeremy McDaniels' so, no harm towards you sir.