What's with Me IRL.

So, alot of stuff has happened to me and my family.

    Just to keep you up to date, my dad is currently in Afghanistan, and I miss him a TON. Also my stepdad got laid off at the church he was working at, which sucks. He has got multiple offers from churches and right now we are going through the process of visiting those churches. It's kind of gone down to a small town, or a church in the middle of the boonies. Which is the middle of NOWHERE nowhere. No joke.

   Oh, and my mom's pregnant. It'll be her fifth.

    I have been really really really REALLY struggling with the fact that we will have to move. That I will have to leave my church family, my work, my school and theater. Because I wanted to graduate from the high school I'm at. And I can't. I can't.
    Also, theater. I LOVED THE PEOPLE AT MY THEATER. I wanted to work my way to the top. Now, wherever I go, I'll be at the bottom. Again. And I BLED FOR THE DICTATORSHIP I'M CURRENTLY IN. (soefjwlerijfhawieoruqja;mwoejrw.) I'm just glad I don't have to fuss and cry about being in Ensemble B, because I won't even be there to be looked down upon. Won't even be there. And maybe when my director calls my name, and they're like 'she moved.' Someone might think about what talent I have or haven't displayed.
   Church. I will miss those people SO much. I can't even go into that building without being upset.

   You guys don't understand. Cincinnati, is NOT a nice city. It plans on chewing you up and spitting you out the very minute you step on that rocky soil. And people weren't used to my constant wit and deep-fried sarcasm. They're more tightly knit then a grandma's sweater. It took people about a year to fully warm up to me. And a few guys are starting to give me looks, like you know, those kind of looks. And I'm leaving. After winning a battle. And I'm more pissed and upset than I've ever been ever.

  Because I was ready. I was ready to spend my next two years at Sycamore and graduate in 2014 with a class that I'd spent four years with. I'd move out to an Ohioan college who had the best bargain. And that's what would happen. But no.

   I, I can't handle it. I CAN'T. I mean, do you know what kind of love life you have in a new place? At first, you're ogled. You're stared at so much, you could be walking around naked and you would get the same amount of eyeballs on you. Then, they ignore you, you could be nonexistent, you're not on their radar. They go out with the girls they've known since third grade. By the end of the year you've spent in that hellhole, they realize, hey, she's actually a person, and start being friendly and friends, and you actually have people to hug. By the middle to the last bit of your second year, they start giving looks, some develop a liking towards you (which, BTW they never voice) even a itty bitty crush. And THEN you move. And the vicious cycle repeats itself.

   At this point, I just know I'm going to have one hell of a goodbye party.

Over and out.
Love,
Cailin

Have any advice? Leave a comment, or email me at tenderheart21496@yahoo.com yep. Or tweet me. That would be sweet.

My Bucket List

    So...I decided to do a bucket list. Of things I want to do before I kick the bucket. This was inspired by sarcaschicks, just fyi. MOVING ON.

MY THINGS TO DO BEFORE I KICK THE BUCKET LIST

1. Rock climb again. I have not gone rock climbing since my parents divorced. And I would like to do that again, I have fond memories of times that we went. 

2. Be the lead role. I want to be a lead role. In a movie or on stage. So badly. It doesn't matter if I have the role when I'm 17 or when I'm 45, I want one. 

3. I want to inspire someone. I want someone to walk up to me and say, "Cailin, you inspired me." It would just make life more than worth it.

4. Backpack Europe. I know a lot of girls who want to do this and hey, I don't blame them! It just sounds like a lovely adventure, filled with all kinds of wonderful experiences.

5. Get kissed on the Eiffel Tower. Yes, another cliche, I'm full of 'em. But...I can't help myself. (As I write this, I'm blushing, just so you know.) (Writing all of this on the internet might be a bad idea.)

6. Skinny dip. Don't judge. 

7. Find meaning in life. So many people wander around, not getting what they're 'sposed to do in life. I don't want to be one of those lost souls.

8. Have enough money to give back to those who need it. I want to be wealthy enough to give more to the world. Wether that is buying food at a farmer's market, or sponsoring a child overseas. I aim for that.

9. Write a book. It would be fun. Trying to get it published might turn me into an alcoholic though...

10. Get married to someone I love...and stay married. This is kind of my 'big dream' I guess. I don't like being by myself a ton, so it would be lovely to have someone to walk through life with. One day, I would love to say, "I've been married for-" and then a big number come after.

   So yeah...I feel like I've thoroughly embarrassed myself. Let's put this on twitter! 

Over and ouch.
Love,
Cailin

Yearly angst and yeah

So today was the seniors' last day at my school.

   Last year, I bawled. Like, tear stains on people's shirts bawled. And this year, I resolved to time my emotional breakdown. I hugged all my senior friends whom I would miss oodles and practically ran when the bell rang. When I got home, I grabbed some tissues and a chocolate chip cookies and had my yearly weep over the fact that I would never see these people and how much I would miss them and really just yeah. It was great.

   I don't really have much to talk about. I have to get ready for work in 10 minutes. Woohoo.
   Hey! Something to look forward to is the fact that in a week or two I will be done with school and you will have me all to yourselves. That is something to look forward to, eh?

    I'm pretty pumped about summer. I'm going to go down to my Aunt Theresa's and run with her gang and then to see some family and then hopefully I'll get my license and maybe just maybe work my butt off all summer so I can afford a car. I'm excited.

Seniors of 2012, good luck. I got big dreams for y'all.
Over and out.
Love,
Cailin 

    

Bullying makes me want to punch a wall

Hey guys, long time no write. My bad. First off, if you haven't seen Les Mis, you totally should.


   Second, I'm not sure how to introduce this, but I've always had this need to protect others. I can't stand seeing others hurting or upset. I have an instinct to make it better for them. Bullying brings back hurt. Quite a bit of hurt.
   Now, I was never physically abused, mostly verbal. I've been called all sorts of things. I remember when I was like, I don't know, seven or eight. And I started getting picked on for not having straight teeth. So I started not smiling without my teeth more, and I don't smile with my teeth in pictures.
  When I was seventh grade I was heavily picked on by a group of girls that dissed almost everything I did. I was also picked on by a boy. Mightily. My definition of a *!#@(&$?"{.  I finally broke down and told my parents and they made the girls leave me alone. And I'm pretty sure I boiled over and poked that boy with a pencil. I got a detention for it, but he never bothered me again.
   When I was eighth grade, I moved to this very ghetto school district and therefore had to go to a ghetto school and there I was very much shunned and snickered about and that was very hurtful to me.

 So with all that personal crap out in the open, can anyone guess what my opinion is on bullying? 

    One. If you're bullying someone, you don't deserve anything that you have. You don't. Go and apologize. Grovel at their feet. Right now. Two, if you are being bullying, GET HELP. Talk to someone, it helps I swear. And don't believe one word they say. Get through it. Survive. You can do it. 

       My story/opinion. Deal with it. 

Over and out.
Love,
Cailin

P.S. 

My twitter.